You've mastered feedback using SBI-Ask-Offer. But what about when emotions run high and conversations turn into full-blown conflicts?
These heated moments - budget disputes, missed deadlines, personality clashes - can derail careers or strengthen relationships, depending on your approach.
Engagement Message
In one word, how do you react when anger is aimed at you?
Most people handle conflict terribly. They either fight back ("That's not my fault!") or shut down completely. Both responses escalate tension and damage relationships.
The problem? We treat conflict as a battle to win rather than a problem to solve together.
Engagement Message
Battle or problem: which best describes how you handled that conflict?
Here's the secret: successful leaders reframe conflict as a "joint problem." Instead of "you versus me," it becomes "us versus the issue."
This single shift transforms the entire dynamic. You're no longer enemies - you're partners trying to solve something together.
Engagement Message
What would change if you and your "opponent" were on the same team?
Joint problem framing sounds like: "We both want this project to succeed. Let's figure out what's getting in the way."
Not: "You're behind on deliverables again." But: "We seem to be hitting some roadblocks on timeline. What's your perspective?"
Notice how this invites collaboration instead of defensiveness.
Engagement Message
What joint problem could you identify in your current conflict?
The second technique is "low-tone mirroring." When someone's voice gets heated, you intentionally speak slower and softer than they do.
This isn't about being condescending - it's about modeling calm energy that others naturally mirror back.
Think of it as being the thermostat, not the thermometer.
Engagement Message
