Most managers give feedback with good intentions, but here's the harsh truth: most feedback conversations fail completely.

The person walks away defensive, hurt, or confused. Nothing changes. Sometimes performance actually gets worse.

Engagement Message

Have you ever given feedback that backfired like this?

Here's what's really happening: when people hear feedback, their brain often interprets it as a threat to their survival.

Yes, survival. Your casual comment about code quality issues can trigger the same alarm system as facing a predator.

Engagement Message

Sounds dramatic, but have you felt your heart race during tough conversations?

When the brain detects threat, three things can happen: fight, flight, or freeze.

Fight: They argue, make excuses, or blame others. Flight: They shut down, nod quickly, or change the subject. Freeze: They go blank and can't process anything.

Engagement Message

Which response have you seen most often?

Here's the kicker: your good intentions don't matter. You might genuinely want to help someone improve, but if their brain perceives threat, they literally cannot hear your message.

The threat response hijacks their ability to learn and grow.

Engagement Message

Ever notice how defensive people seem to "not get it"?

This is why timing, tone, and setting matter more than the actual words you say.

If someone's brain is in threat mode, even perfectly crafted feedback becomes noise. But when they feel safe, they can actually absorb and act on your guidance.

Engagement Message

Think about when you've received feedback well - how did you feel?

The secret to effective feedback isn't better words - it's creating psychological safety first.