You've mastered the SBI model, but knowing what to say is only half the battle. The other half is actually having the conversation without it going sideways.
Even perfect SBI feedback can fail if the delivery creates defensiveness or shuts people down.
Engagement Message
Ever had the right words but the wrong result?
Let's start with setting the stage. Choose a private space where you won't be interrupted - never give difficult feedback in public or with others around.
Schedule it in advance: "Can we talk about the code review process tomorrow at 2pm?" This prevents ambush feelings.
Engagement Message
Why do you think surprising someone with feedback backfires?
Your tone and body language send signals before you even speak. Sit at the same level (both standing or both sitting). Keep your voice calm and steady.
Avoid crossed arms, pointing, or leaning back. These signal judgment or dominance, triggering that threat response we learned about.
Engagement Message
How does your body language change when you're nervous?
Start with context and intent: "I wanted to talk because I care about your growth and I've noticed something that might be getting in your way."
This frames the conversation as supportive, not punitive. Then transition into your SBI feedback naturally.
Engagement Message
See how this creates safety before delivering the message?
When they react defensively (and they might), don't argue or justify. Instead, acknowledge their feeling: "I can see this is frustrating to hear."
Then gently redirect: "Help me understand your perspective on what happened." This moves from defending to problem-solving.
Engagement Message
What's your instinct when someone gets defensive with you?
