Now that you understand why feedback triggers threat responses, let's learn how to give feedback that feels safe and constructive.
The secret? Structure. When feedback follows a clear, predictable pattern, people's brains can process it without going into defense mode.
Engagement Message
How could vague feedback like "You need to improve your attitude" trigger a threat response?
Meet the SBI model: Situation-Behavior-Impact. This three-part framework transforms messy, judgmental feedback into clear, actionable communication.
SBI helps you stick to facts instead of interpretations, making feedback feel less threatening and more helpful.
Engagement Message
Without peeking, what do the letters S, B, and I stand for?
Situation: When and where did this happen? Be specific about the context.
Instead of "You're always late," try "In yesterday's 10 AM team meeting..." This grounds the feedback in a specific moment rather than making it feel like a character attack.
Engagement Message
Why might being specific about timing make feedback feel less threatening?
Behavior: What exactly did you observe? Stick to facts you could record on video.
Avoid interpretations like "You were disrespectful." Instead: "You interrupted Sarah three times while she was presenting." Observable facts can't be argued with.
Engagement Message
What's the difference between "You seem unengaged" and "You checked your phone four times during the presentation"?
Impact: How did this behavior affect you, the team, or the work? Be honest about consequences.
"When you interrupted Sarah, she lost her train of thought and had to restart her explanation. The meeting ran over by 15 minutes."
Engagement Message
Why is explaining impact important for helping someone change their behavior?
