Building trust and influence starts with forging a genuine personal connection. People are far more likely to listen, collaborate, and be persuaded when they feel you understand what matters to them. This means going beyond your own agenda and making a conscious effort to connect your message to the other person’s priorities, values, and concerns.

When you want to persuade or influence, begin by considering what’s important to the other person. Instead of launching straight into your own objectives, take a moment to reflect on their current challenges, interests, or goals. For example, if you’re proposing a new project management tool to a colleague who’s been struggling with missed deadlines, frame your message around how the tool can help them stay organized and reduce last-minute stress. This approach signals that you’re not just pushing your own agenda—you’re attentive to their needs and invested in their success. Over time, consistently connecting your ideas to what matters to others builds a reputation for empathy and reliability, making people more receptive to your influence.

A powerful way to build connection and trust is to ask about the other person’s goals before you offer your own suggestions. By inviting them to share their objectives first, you demonstrate respect for their perspective and gather valuable context that can shape your approach. For instance, let's take Natalie, who is trying to convince Milo to join them for a weekend hike. Milo has been feeling stressed and cooped up from studying, so Natalie might frame their invitation like this:

• Natalie: “Hey Milo, you’ve been hitting the books pretty hard lately. How are you feeling?”

• Milo: “Honestly, I’m kind of burned out. I haven’t really had a break in a while.”

• Natalie: “I get that. I was thinking of going for a hike this Saturday—just to get outside and clear my head. Want to come? I think it could be a good way for both of us to recharge.”

• Milo: “That actually sounds perfect. I could really use a change of scenery.”

In this example, Natalie doesn’t just suggest the hike out of the blue. She first checks in on how Milo is feeling, listens to his concerns, and then connects her idea to what matters to him—relaxation and a break from routine. This approach signals that she’s attentive to his needs, not just her own plans.

Trust grows when people feel seen and valued. Make it a practice to show appreciation for others’ input, whether you agree with it or not. This could be as direct as saying, “I appreciate you sharing that perspective—it helps me see the issue differently,” or as simple as following up on a suggestion they made in a previous meeting. When you acknowledge someone’s contribution, you reinforce their sense of belonging and encourage further openness. Even when you need to steer the conversation in a different direction, starting with appreciation (“That’s a great point, and it gives me an idea for how we might build on it…”) keeps the interaction positive and collaborative. Over time, this pattern of recognition makes people more willing to engage with your ideas and trust your intentions.

By consistently connecting your message to what matters to others, asking about their goals, and showing appreciation for their input, you lay the groundwork for strong personal connections. These habits transform everyday interactions into opportunities to build trust, making your influence more natural and lasting.